From today’s Roll Call: Potheads vs. Narcs by Mary Ann Akers
It would have been the zaniest game of the softball season. But it seems the Narcs are too chicken to play a bunch of stoners.
The One Hitters, the softball team of the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, claim they’ve been trying to play ball — literally — against the Office of National Drug Control Policy for years. Finally, this year, it looked like the Bush administration’s ONDCP office, also known as the drug czar, was going to come through.
The game was all set for Wednesday, June 8, between the One Hitters and We Czar the Champions. But then the drug czar’s office removed the game from their schedule, saying they couldn’t muster enough players for that particular game. (They did, however, have enough players last week in their game against the Commerce Department.)
The One Hitters tried to reschedule, but the captain of We Czar the Champions said they were “booked through August.”
Now the once-docile potheads are irate.
“Obviously one of the ‘higher ups’ at ONDCP saw the schedule and nixed the game,” NORML’s spokesman, Nick Thimmesch, told HOH. “Perhaps they were spooked by the notion of BYOB — bring your own bong!”
Kris Krane, NORML’s associate director and co-captain of the One Hitters, said: “For years the ONDCP has been unwilling to engage drug policy reformers in a serious debate on the issues. Now they even refuse to engage us in a friendly game of softball.”
Of course, there’s another good reason for their refusal. They ONDCP can’t have liked the odds. It’s a no-win situation for them. They’re playing Potheads! And if they lost?
Tom Riley, a spokesman for the drug czar’s office, said there was “no grand policy formulation” to dodge playing the One Hitters. He said the stoners couldn’t possibly have tried to play We Czar the Champions for years, because the team is brand new.
“This just goes to show the effects of marijuana use on judgment and reasoning,” Riley joked.
At first he toed the party line and blamed his team’s decision not to play the One Hitters on a dearth of players. But then he thought better of it and decided it was a policy decision after all.
“I wouldn’t think we would play any team that promotes drug use,” Riley said, adding, “that includes teams that promote smoking meth or smoking crack.”
Ah, it looks like there was a winner after all. The Potheads came off gracious and fun. As far as the Narcs… well let’s just call Riley the douchebag of the day — was there a need to add “meth or crack” in the same category as marijuana once again?