Joseph Califano says that smaller penises will save our economy

Well, not really. But as Maia Szalavitz makes clear in her latest Time Magazine piece, he might as well have done so.

Califano, and his shocktoids have been a regular topic of derision here at Drug WarRant.

The latest shows correlation between teens who use social networking sites and the use of tobacco, alcohol and marijuana.

In a statement accompanying the release of the report, CASA founder Joe Califano writes, “The results are profoundly troubling. This year’s survey reveals how the anything goes, free-for-all world of Internet expression, suggestive television programming and what-the-hell attitudes put teens at sharply increased risk of substance abuse.”

However, as with much of the center’s previous work, the research methods used here cannot actually determine whether social media causes increased substance use or whether the association is simply related to a third factor, such as teens’ concern about their social status or conversely, having strict parents.

Maia properly ridicules his baseless alarmism.

A recent study, for example, finds an inverse correlation between a penile length and a country’s gross domestic product — nations that averaged smaller penis sizes had faster economic growth than countries with larger penises between 1960 and 1985 — but no one seriously believes that penis reduction will solve our economic problems.

Likewise, even if it were possible to stop teens from using social networks — or for adults to truly monitor teen Facebook use — the odds that this would reduce drug use are low.

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12 Responses to Joseph Califano says that smaller penises will save our economy

  1. Leonard Junior says:

    Was there now no drug use before the internet existed? Does he take himself seriously?

  2. C.E. says:

    Here’s my take on the “social networking is a gateway drug” issue. Because drugs are illegal, obtaining them requires connections with people who sell drugs. People who are likely to have lots of social connections are more likely to know someone who sells drugs, or they’re more likely to have friends, which means they’re more likely to have friends who use drugs. These connections mean they’re more likely to come into contact with drugs. Socially withdrawn individuals are less likely to come into contact with drugs. So the social networking sites are just an extension of real life: people with more friends and acquaintances are going to have broader experiences and greater access to drugs than people who live sheltered lives at home.

    I know it’s speculation, but it’s a reasonable conclusion.

  3. Morndenkainen says:

    Being the dude in the locker room with the smallest penis doesn’t make you a trend-setter. Just an object of pity. Fear not though. Planking is incredibly stupid in itself, yet there are thousands of people that have joined in on that moronic trend. I am sure, that this means that thousands more will find a way to shrink their penises to meticulously small sizes. As for myself? I’ll be happy being just that much bigger than “average” as the average size drops…

  4. Pingback: Joseph Califano says that smaller penises will save our economy – Drug WarRant « Technology « Direct Global Media

  5. primus says:

    So I should invest only in countries where the men have small penises? Many Scandinavian women are blonde, and theirs are cold countries, therefore a cold climate makes you blonde. Blacks come from hot countries, and the women have large buttocks. Therefore, a hot climate makes your woman’s butt larger. If your woman’s butt is too large, move to Scandinavia; you’ll end up with a slim blonde. Logic; gotta love it.

  6. kaptinemo says:

    (Facepalm) Geez. The great insult comic Don Rickles had these self-appointed moral scolds pegged long ago. As he once said of Congress, ol’ Joe ” ‘…ought to be put into a ‘home’, and stop bothering the American people!’ “

  7. But for drug policy the problem seems to be all those males with clitoris-sized penises who try to make up for their own perceived* inadequacies by pleasing the worry-bodies and women out there with the other, seemingly “manly” behavior that they think makes them look tough and hung.

    (*) the true rule is: “If you think penis size matters it does, if you don’t then it doesn’t”

  8. Servetus says:

    Joe Califano’s results are indeed profoundly troubling if we are to gauge his mental comprehension of random patternicity. What Mr. Califano really needs is a new patron saint. The one he appears to pray to now, St. Anthony Comstock, has failed him.

    St. Anthony Comstock was Secretary and Special Agent for the Society for the Suppression of Vice (and U. S. Post Office Inspector) starting in 1873. During his illustrious career, St. Comstock destroyed 160 tons of literature and brought 3,760 alleged sinners to an alleged justice.

    Joe Califano may have persecuted far more sinners than St. Comstock; millions, in fact, but he’s come nowhere close in effectively destroying any literature, changing public discourse, or suppressing the world’s entertainment venue.

    What Mr. Califano has accomplished is to engage in drug propaganda that’s so ridiculous and inane as to make millions believe that using drugs is the smart thing to do. We thus have Mr. Califano to thank for much of the marijuana and other recreational drug use in the United States. Thanks, Joe.

  9. pfroehlich2004 says:

    Maia Szalavitz is the rarest of creatures. A mainstream journalist capable of logical analysis. It’s astounding that a publication like TIME would have her on staff.

  10. Mike R says:

    A lot of schools (Oklahoma, for example) are using this tactic to try and ban music playing devices, phones, PDAs and even computer access from school kids. They even go so far as to suggest the children are dealing binural “Sound Drugs” over social networking sites. Sound drugs? Riiight.

    For real? No, but they are really serious about it. :p

  11. vickyvampire says:

    Califano and his gateway Social Network theory what? even before net drugs were everywhere and available to any one who wanted them. I lived in small CA town shy person and still all my life some folks always offering me something usually turned it down I hardly ever indulged it was every where regardless of gateway theories good grief.

  12. darkcycle says:

    Califano is good for some comic relief, but the real joke is the spaz parents who respond to this claptrap. Unfortunately those spaz parents are going to try to deny little Dingle P. Berry access to the web. I see that as being just as successful as denying little Dingle access to drugs, but they’ll try anyway.
    One more thing for mature Mr. Berry to uncover in psychoanalysis. Oh well, that kid is f**ked up already.

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