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May 2005
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Our representatives aren’t just pathetic, they’re dangerous.

“bullet” The Whizzinator: A House Panel’s No. 1 Priority — that’s right, our tax dollars are spent investigating ways to outlaw a fake penis that’s used to fool drug tests …

The Whizzinator isn’t quite the gold standard in athletic endorsements. Rather, [Rep. Bart] Stupak is bemoaning the ease with which people can buy Whizzinators with credit cards, money orders or checks, and have them delivered by U.S. mail or UPS or FedEx.

“How will we stop the flow?” he asks plaintively. A small cluster of spectators — seizing on the unintended double-entendre — giggle audibly in the back of the room.

It is one of those mornings.

“bullet” Keeping a handle on the more important issues is House Energy and Commerce Chairman Joe Barton, who said “I really think there needs to be a federal standard.” For energy policy? No, for professional sports drug testing. H.R. 1862 would suspend first time offenders for two years, and second offenders for life — from any professional sport. And in case you’re thinking that it’s time that something is done about steroids, keep in mind that every one of these drug prohibition lists in sports includes marijuana.
Watch for an increase in belligerant drunk professional athletes.
And since I’ve always said I’d never work for a company that required drug testing on principle alone, I guess I’ll have to give up that dream of professional sports (and stick to the amateur 4-Square circuit).
“bullet” In an OpEd — OxyContin’s dangers outweigh its benefits — Rep. Stephen Lynch says he wants to outlaw OxyContin, even by prescription.
As Radley Balko notes:

In a time when some 50 million people suffer from chronic pain — most of it untreated or undertreated — the idea of taking the leading opioid pain medication off the market is particularly heartless and cruel.

“bullet” And as our Representatives claw and crawl over each other in their pathetic efforts to lead the way in passing more laws and escalating our drug war, mortgaging a future both in terms of tax money and human capital…
“bullet” … a quiet meeting that really matters went unremarked by all the blowhards.

The timing could not have been more apt. On the eve of a titanic partisan clash in the Senate, eggheads of the left and right got together yesterday to warn both parties that they are ignoring the country’s most pressing problem: that the United States is turning into Argentina. […]

There were no cameras, not a single microphone, and no evidence of a lawmaker or Bush administration official in the room — just some hungry congressional staffers and boxes of sandwiches from Corner Bakery. But what the three spoke about will have greater consequences than the current fuss over filibusters and Tom DeLay’s travel.

With startling unanimity, they agreed that without some combination of big tax increases and major cuts in Medicare, Social Security and most other spending, the country will fall victim to the huge debt and soaring interest rates that collapsed Argentina’s economy and caused riots in its streets a few years ago.

But please don’t disturb our Congressmen… they’re busy dreaming up ways to crush the futures of potential taxpayers so that we can support them in prison with money we borrowed from China.

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