Christmas Shopping Caption Contest

Junior SWAT

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48 Responses to Christmas Shopping Caption Contest

  1. Pete says:

    Breakaway door sold separately.

    • Duncan20903 says:

      Holy what about the children Batman! Are jackboots, billy clubs and hydraulic battering rams included?

  2. Cy Klebs says:

    Wackenhut is 1 corporation in the profit detention business that is bullish on incarceration futures in Canada. Acting now to selloff all shares may discourage the the franchises which aspire to benefit from the the outrage promulgated in Ottawa. That and several others.

  3. claygooding says:

    Where do we buy the small dogs for the kids to shoot?

  4. Francis says:

    That is ADORABLE! If you’ve got two kids, you can dress the other one up as a SWAT raid victim to double the cuteness. Just send them out in their skivvies and an undershirt, ruffle their hair a bit to give them that just-woke-up look, have them cradling a plush dog toy smeared with red paint, and give them a little plastic baggie of oregano (to show that they deserved it).

  5. Dante says:

    SWAT costume delivered at night, with live demonstrations by our sales agents.

    New dogs sold separately.

  6. claygooding says:

    I wonder if we can buy DEA sweaters for our dogs,,that way the swat teams may not shoot them.

    Then again,,,,your friends might.

    • Duncan20903 says:

      I was going to start raising chihuahuas but I got scared that when the jackboots felt threatened and tried to shoot them they might miss, and take it out on me.

      You laugh, but have you any real clue of just how vicious a hundred pissed off chihuahuas can be? Ounce for ounce they make pit bulls look like kittens.

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  8. claygooding says:

    Poodles $25,,,Pittbull $50,,,Pomeranian $15,,,chihuahuas two for $10,,,if your dog arrives already dead,just prop him up in the target range.

  9. kaptinemo says:

    Einz! Zwei! Drei! Vier! Undt now, mit ze success uff ze ZVAT costyoom, ve will now offer ze negzt shtep in our costyoom line: ze ShutzStaffeln Yoonivorm! Complete mit Zvastikah Nazi Party armbandt, zilver t’underboltz and deathead inzigniyah, Yooden-beater shtick and Walt’ter PPK pishtol!

    Act now, und we vill alzo offer ze KGB Yoonivorm vor ha’ff prrrize!

    (Face-palm, shaking head) When a culture begins to celebrate government-derived violence against its’ own citizens, and dresses it’s kids up in the livery of those committing that violence, how much longer before it falls?

    • Francis says:

      Wait, people are buying these costumes to CELEBRATE SWAT agents?! I just assumed they fell into the horror / “things that go bump (bang?) in the night” genre.

      • kaptineno says:

        No, and that’s what’s so awful about it.

        To me, it’s the same as someone dressing up as a Nazi. I don’t care if it’s a ‘joke’. Given what we as reformers know of the usual behavior of SWAT Teams, this is tantamount to a cultural ‘thumbs-up’ to the kind of brutality that normally accompanies SWAT actions.

        And in a broader sense, what does that say about the continuing…coarseness…that our culture seems to be experiencing? Laughing at harmless people being tased? Pepper-sprayed? Applauding at the idea that innocents might be executed by The State?

        It’s been postulated that the ancient Romans behaved the horrid way they did because they suffered from lead poisoning, courtesy of their aqueducts being lined with the stuff, and for putting it into their wine and various other products. What excuse do we have?

        • Lab Monkey says:

          Take this a step further and in to the video gaming sector. Violence there is what drives the success of most of these games. And the kids are eating it up
          And I can remember back in the 70’s when the then ‘cartoon’ industry was told to tone things down lest we influence the children in a negative manner with all the animated violence. But with the realism available in most gaming platforms, and now in 3D, what else can we expect to happen?
          Militarization of our population needs to start at a young age to have any impact. And after the last 40 years of its onslaught via the TV, arcades, and the newer technologies (X-Box, etc) we are seeing the results of this escalation of violence in our culture.

          And it is definitely hurting this Nation.

  10. darkcycle says:

    Say now…I may have to feel a little bad here for a few minutes. Remember how I speculated that Mr. Richard Lee, of Oakland California would never have to worry about income ever again, even though he bankrolled Initiative 19? Well…I was wrong. Mr lee put one point five million of his own dollars into I-19, and now, though not destitute, he appears to be tapped out:
    This courtesy of Debbie Goldsberry via FB

    • Duncan20903 says:

      I’d be broke too if I were him. Rich dispensary owners are targets, especially high profile ones. I wouldn’t worry too much. You should see just how destitute I am on paper. People try to take your money if they figure out that you have any.

    • darkcycle says:

      I’m with you, but a one bedroom apt? I’d say…that’s going a little far if it’s pretense. I’m inclined to believe he’s underwater, if only temporarily.

  11. sojournerC says:

    Overuse of authority and pepper spray sold separately.

  12. Pete says:

    Care about the safety of your kids? Worried that they might meet the fates of Xavier Bennett, Alberto Sepulveda, or Ashley Villareal?

    Dress the kids up in these delightful outfits – it tells the SWAT team “Hey, don’t shoot me! I’m one of you!”*

    Teach the young ones to hit their old man a few times with the baton and they’ll be able to get out of the house in the confusion, safe and sound.

    *Disclaimer: technique may not be protective against friendly fire and indiscriminate fire used by some SWAT teams.

  13. Peter says:

    they forgot the “what you seize is what you get” slogan. might as well incentivize em

  14. Jake says:

    “Is your child beating up other children and taking their toys? Make it legal with this adorable costume”

  15. Addycat says:

    It’s the new Hitler Youth! How adorable!

  16. Dew-Bee says:

    “Jackboots not included. Void where prohibited. This offer only good in continental U.S.”

    “Why play cowboys and Indians, when cops are robbers is so much more fun”

  17. St Sledgemus says:

    This would suggest the current figure is approaching 60,000.

  18. allan says:

    holy crap… we laugh… we wince… we mock and inhale…

    The Theatre of the Absurd has been mentioned before when we’ve been shocked/flabbergasted/kicked-in-the-nuts and downright amazed by the real world. I… I mean… this… I just… can’t… even say… holy crap!

    And the comments are great, keep rollin’ y’all… I’m busting a gut and sharing w/ my 18 year old son.

    And Kap… as usual man… dead on.

    Of course… there are comparative ideals… Oregon, 1970:


    Summer 1970: Tensions over the Vietnam War were high. President Richard Nixon was expected in Portland to speak to a convention of the Amercian Legion. The FBI warned Oregon officials to expect as many as 50,000 anti-war protesters. But the improbable events that unfolded next could hardly have been predicted.

    Republican Governor Tom McCall gave his blessing to a counter-culture festival known as Vortex I in rural Clackamas County. The “Biodegradable Festival of Life” was orchestrated to lure protesters away from Nixon and the American Legion in downtown Portland. It worked. An estimated 30 to 100,000 people converged over the course of the week at McIver State Park. They danced, took off their clothes, rolled around in the mud, smoked pot and dropped acid. But as Governor Tom McCall said later, “Nobody was killed.”

    Not only that, he was re-elected.

    My how the world has changed in 4 decades…

  19. darkcycle says:

    Doesn’t hurt to remember that Obama could stop the Federal drug war with a word:

  20. JDV says:

    I’m reminded of Cartman from South Park

  21. darkcycle says:

    Toldja they overrode it’s signal and took it over…great photo, too. Better than the ones the U.S. releases. *chukle-chuckle*
    If the Iranians can make those drones sing and dance, how hard can it be? 😉

    • darkcycle says:

      What a fibbing fibber. Liar, liar pants on fire. Let me tell you…it would have been very satisfying if he had actually doused his trousers with gasoline and lit a sparkler. But the metaphorical flaming pants are all we get. Rats.

  22. claygooding says:

    I thought you had to take an oath before testifying to congress.

    How can attacking the mmj industry with every letter gang in the federal government be low priority?

  23. ezrydn says:

    I guess the weaponization for the costume is sold separately, also? They gotta be available as no SWAT member would enter any abode with a plastic baton. Remember the “What about the Children” cry? Where is it today with this?

    No dope-smoker costumes? Tye-dyed tee, sun-glasses, copy of Iron Butterfly “HEAVY” and a pack of rolling papers?

    • Francis says:

      A children’s dope smoker costume? Oh my heavens, no! That would be “controversial” / “inappropriate” / “outrageous.” It would “send the wrong message,” etc., etc. Meanwhile, very, very few people will bat an eye at the Officer Jackboot Jr. get-up.

  24. Wayne hunter says:

    That kid is going to hell.

  25. vickyvampire says:


  26. VicTeows BastardChild says:

    Don’t let anyone occupy your sandbox this Christmas!

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