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September 2009
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Retro Bill

Some disturbingly amusing video for your enjoyment/horror.

I had never heard of Retro Bill. Apparently, he’s the Official DARE Safety Buddy (among other things). He even has a picture of himself with John Walters giving him a thumbs up.

Here, he shares some general, non-drug, safety tips.

Drug-free? Right. I use a lot of caffeine, and no amount of caffeine could ever make me as… enthusiastic as Retro Bill.

“Hey kids! Watch me play ping-pong… with myself!”

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10 comments to Retro Bill

  • ezrydn

    This, ladies and gentlemen, is the face of our opponent.

  • Cliff

    This guy exudes all of the authenticity of ‘Smiling Bob’ from the ‘Enzyte’ commercial and the honesty of Oliver North.

  • kaptinemo

    “This guy exudes all of the authenticity of ‘Smiling Bob’ from the ‘Enzyte’ commercial and the honesty of Oliver North.

    Or Joe Isuzu

    Do these guys really think any kid with an above-room-temperature IQ is going to believe anything an adult who acts and dresses like that says? Honestly, the opinion DrugWarriors have of kids has always been both mechanistic and insulting at the same time. And the kids are aware of it. They become masters in the art of BS detection very quickly, thanks to the nature of the school system, and develop defenses as a matter of course. Which is why ONDCP trumpet-blaring to the contrary, their efforts seem to encourage experimentation, not dissuade it.

    The DrugWar was begun with lies, perpetuated with lies, and now thanks to the Internet those lies are being exposed. And kids are masters at surfing the “Net. While the plodding dinosaurs of the ONDCP rely on the likes of Retro Bill. Hopelessly outclassed…

  • Cannabis

    Which PR firm made a ton of money on this lame idea?

  • Mike R

    Tell me what police officer, during a routine traffic stop, wouldn’t suspect this guy of being under the influence of drugs and promptly search his car?

  • lol retro bill showed up to my school for an assembly. i used to toke it up back then too and being the jackass teen i was i went up to him and told him so. his reply was kind of shocking. he pretty much said “well, i’m just here to tell kids that they have a choice and that, in my opinion, staying drug free is the best one.” he then wished me the best of luck with my dreams. im betting the guy is like ron paul where he will say bad things about weed but wouldnt want his tax money going into busting ppl over it. thats what i got from talking to him. also i hate dare but that video is trippy lol he didnt sound or even look like that its probably cuz i was in high school and that vid looks like its for kindergarteners.

    tl;dr i dunno if rb is much of a threat to a drug policy that actually makes sense

  • Sooo … Retro Bill found a kick-a** crate of Retro Coca Cola, eh?

  • Servetus

    As Retro Bill screeches off into the sunset in his purple hot rod we are denied the chance to see Retro get a traffic ticket for an excessive display of power while operating a motor vehicle. Maybe that part will show up in the next D.A.R.E. safety video.

  • Floyd Hastings

    Retro Bill is the best!! I am an officer in Indiana. I have him at my school each year. Yes the DVD is for kindergarteners. Bill Russ {AKA Retro Bill}I would trust my life with that man. I can not say enough about him.

  • Randal Grantham

    Retro Bill does a great job. The kids from k-12 love his video. Each of my D.A.R.E. classes always ask “when are we going to watch Retro again” I always look foward to his training classes. Got one word for ya “SPOON”