Helpful prohibitionist translations

Prohibition-speak: “There hasn’t been enough study…”

Translation: “While there have been hundreds of studies on this topic, none of them have yet concluded what we wanted them to conclude.”

Prohibition-speak: “Studies conclusively show…”

Translation: “There was one study in New Zealand with 79 participants who also smoked tobacco that implied some possible negative associations.”

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22 Responses to Helpful prohibitionist translations

  1. Howard says:

    Speaking of studies, how about this one;

    Study: Dependence Alters the Brain’s Response to Pot Paraphernalia

    “…the participants were given either a used marijuana pipe or a pencil of approximately the same size that they could see and feel.


    That’s right, we now have studies gauging the reactions to a used marijuana pipe or a pencil.

    Yes, this study was funded by a grant from the NIDA (our tax dollars at work).

    • allan says:

      good lord, not so early in the morning with stuff like that Howard!

      That money from NIDA for this study… ummm… they could have given me the money instead. I smoke tobacco. Not much anymore, but back when I was heavily addicted (BIG scare quotes) to tobacco, if I watched a movie and an actor lit a cigarette, hey, I want a cig too. Duh.

      If this study was worth a damb it could, maybe, possibly, be news. But it just proves what advertisers have known for decades. We wouldn’t be overflowing with googaws and plastic flotsam and jetsam if something or someone wasn’t manipulating our reward response.

      stupid, stupid, stupid… and a complete waste of our tax money again.

    • Francis says:

      Dr. Francesca Filbey, lead author of the study, acknowledged that the new research was not without limitations: “a significant number of the participants who received a pencil quickly fashioned it into a pipe, a potential confounding factor that we unfortunately did not foresee when designing the study. While we initially hoped to repeat the study using control materials that are resistant to this kind of modification, actually identifying such materials has proven to be more difficult than anticipated.”

    • kaptinemo says:

      This is another potential ‘Golden Fleece’ award. What were they trying to do, see if a guy gets a boner when seeing an image of a bong?

      So much of our money and time wasted on silly stuff like this. How many school lunches could thev been bought for this? How many textbooks? Don’t we have better things to do with that money?

    • War Vet says:

      Being a Writer, I’d find the pencil to be just as stimulating as the pipe. Now if they gave me a socket, I’d totally think: pipe, before tool. In fact, I’d probably react to the socket more than to the pipe. Why did they not use a sowing needle to usher in memories of ‘cleaning’ the damn old pipe. I like needles, they help me find good resin.

      I wonder what they would say about people being dependent on cars by showing them insurance papers?

  2. claygooding says:

    There is no accepted medical use for smoked marijuana:

    When 80% of the voters support reform and over 1/2 the US population has access to MMJ under a doctors care prohibitionists are the only ones that don’t accept it.

  3. allan says:

    “A NIDA funded study found…”


    hey, we just wasted more of your tax money and even tho’ we didn’t – once again – find anything harmful, we did find interesting things. AND this lack of conclusive (but interesting) data just proves that much more research is needed.

    • DonDig says:

      As your government, we’re not going to ever give up until we get the results we’re looking for, even though we’ve looked for them, (and not found them), hundreds of times before.
      (after all it’s not our money!)
      The correct answer has to be out there somewhere, and we’re going to find it, even if it kills you, ruins the country, or takes forever.
      Yeah, now we’re talkin’.

      It does seem to be getting better at least. The vast majority have abandoned the direct reefer madness rhetoric anyway. Even Kevin seems to be reefer madness lite these days.

  4. Howard says:

    OT: with all the sturm und drang of prohibition, it’s nice to read a story like this:

    The Marijuana Retirement: How My Parents Became Late-Life Pot Moguls

  5. Servetus says:

    The prohibitionists claim they want more research, but they really don’t. The problem with a funded study is it can produce facts, and we know how prohibitionists feel about facts. Just one more bit of reality for them to ignore, as if they don’t ignore enough facts already. Also, the prohibitionists can always misinterpret the facts once they have them, a common ploy when there are a lot of facts.

    A critical tool of the prohibitionist is the anti-fact, something the Urban Dictionary defines as “A statement that is made that is so absurd, it goes beyond being wrong; it is a statement [made to be as far from correct as possible]. Anti-facts include claims that marijuana causes cancer, schizophrenia, man-boobs, etc.

    Facts can cause some people to think. One of the main reasons a prohibitionist doesn’t want people taking mind altering drugs is because drugs can also cause people to think. With drugs and facts, it doesn’t take long to link one fact to another, at which point prohibitionists can find themselves facing violations of international law, including charges of human rights crimes, institutionalized racism and organized political oppression. Stick to the facts and make no mistake, facts are the prohibitionists’ biggest threat.

    • Common Science says:

      Just as you point out Servetus, those anti-facts really started ramping up during the 70’s. Prohibitionists have been extolling the virtues of the phrase, “There hasn’t been enough study…” with the discouragement of independent studies on marijuana for forty years. Segway into somewhat OT:

      Too bad Nixon wasn’t impeached a couple of months later. On the anniversary of him stepping down as president , listening to him tonight actually verbalizing his hateful vitriol should raise the creep level in people befitting halloween night.

  6. claygooding says:

    The NY Times is hitting below the belt,,they posted the science we have been throwing at them for the last decade and the ONDCP is required by law to provide any science they have that proves marijuana is a dangerous drug,,and I don’t see “could be linked with” as being accepted by the public any longer.

    What Science Says About Marijuana
    By PHILIP M. BOFFEYJULY 30, 2014

    • claygooding says:

      The Great Colorado Weed Experiment
      By LAWRENCE DOWNESAUG. 2, 2014

      “”In January, Colorado defied the federal government and stepped with both feet into the world of legal recreational marijuana, where no state had gone before.

      For seven months Coloradans have been lawfully smoking joints and inhaling cannabis vapors, chewing marijuana-laced candies and chocolates, drinking, cooking and lotioning with products infused with cannabis oil. They are growing their own weed, making their own hash oil and stocking up at dispensaries marked with green crosses and words like “health,” “wellness” and “natural remedies.” Tourists are joining in — gawking, sampling and tripping in hotel rooms. Business is growing, taxes are flowing, cannabis entrepreneurs are building, investing and cashing in.””

      How is my news search missing these,,me smells government blocking.

  7. Duncan20903 says:


    This is a very serious matter! Didn’t you hear about the dog that ate an apple fashioned into an impromptu merrywanna pipe? The dog almost died! All because he got excited when he saw an illicit merrywanna smoking utensil! I seen it on the TV so it must be true!
    Dog nearly dies after eating apple marijuana pipe

    You know, with a few labcoats from a labcoat superstore and a grant from the Federal gov’t we could do a study to quantify the outer limits of gullibility in human beings just by assembling instances of things that have fooled the sycophants of prohibition. Oh wait, forget it. Without seeing it with their own two eyes nobody would believe anyone could be so gullible. Not even H. L. Mencken I reckon.

    At least this time they had the delivery of the K-9 killing kannabis not include any chocolate in the delivery method.

    Notice: Just LabCoats (The largest labcoats collection) did not pay any product placement fees for inclusion in this post. (Free delivery on all labcoat purchases over $50.00)

  8. claygooding says:

    Anti-domestic terrorist military surplus eliminator kit,,all terrain model:

    Park it across from the warehouse where the military surplus is stored for parades.

  9. DdC says:

    The study concluded it might, could, potentially in the near, distant future cause harm, to some, somewhere.

    Falsely drawn conclusions that have never panned out from when they said it 20 years ago.

    Doing the same things over and over expecting the same results to keep doing the same things over and over.

    The study also recommended more tax paid grants to possibly, maybe, hopefully prove the first trillion wasn’t wasted.

    There is evidence and a causal connection between drug researchers and the risk involved in lying to obtain government grants. Side effects can be extremely harsh on pretty boys gathering research, the study found.

    The DEA responded to the accusations of lying under oath and purposely providing hardships on sick Americans. M Lyinhard answered, Na na na na na. Ha ha you can’t do a damn thing about it peons. Immunity… then slouched and half crawled back to her bell tower drooling sanctuary, thanctuary…

    Marihuana is the heathern devil weed with roots in hell and too versatile to risk falling into the lower, more degenerate classes hands. Forthwit we must not let the filthy masses fire up doobers, bongs or sniff the vapors. Let them drink booze and pop pills as god intended.

  10. Dante says:

    Another translation:

    “Save the children” means break into their house in the middle of the night and shoot the children. And their little dogs, too.

    Protect & Serve (themselves!)

  11. free radical says:

    I got one: “why would we add a third drug that is potentially harmful?”
    Translation: why would we acknowledge and accept the existence and widespread use of a 27,453rd drug which is potentially, but very unlikely to be, harmful?

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