With news like this, who needs parody?

Spike in drug offences shows success of police operations

DRUG offences in the North East have skyrocketed in recent months — and police couldn’t be happier.

The spike in recorded drug-related crimes shows the success of police operations targeting the trafficking of ice and cannabis, Benalla Inspector Mark Byers said.

Figures from Victoria Police released yesterday show drug offences in Benalla have increased 40 per cent between April last year and March this year — 154 offences compared with 110 in April 2012 to March last year.

In Wangaratta, 403 offences were recorded compared with 335 the year before, up 20 per cent.

That’s the great thing about being a drug warrior. No matter what happens, you’re a winner! All you have to do is declare it so.

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21 Responses to With news like this, who needs parody?

  1. DdC says:

    targeting the trafficking of ice and cannabis?

    They used the “C” word???

    Doctors have long been aware of the dangerous consequences of misuse of the chemical substance hydrogen hydroxide. “Ice,” as the substance is referred to by many of its users,

    • B. Snow says:

      Yeah, because NOT being right next-door to Mexico… They’re not innately afraid of the C-word.

      They never made-up & misspelled the word “Marihuana” (that should’ve been a red-flag right there), and then later “correct” it as “Marijuana” (I think that was MUCH later, as they really preferred the ‘sleezier’-sounding names like “Reefer” = as opposed to a Latin-based ‘botanical’-sounding name like Cannabis.

      They might not have been able to pass the Tax Stamp Act without making up/borrowing the mexican-slang name- Back then Pharmacists & Doctors *knew what Cannabis was*… “Marihuana” was something foreign to them – a “vice” connected to Mexican day-laborers in El Paso,TX & Southern California, or wherever else…

      That wasn’t the case in Australia – not that many Hispanics there even now from what I’ve gathered.
      So, I’m amused by trying to imagine that (at some point) – US Drug Agents had to go tell the Aussies that our what it was and why it was evil & leave it up to them to sell that proverbial “crock”…
      But, at some point when they created & pushed the “1961 Single Convention Treaty” thing on them via the U.N. – I still wonder how that conversation went if that was like:

      US/World ‘Fun-Police’ Agent: (*Says to Aussie Cops*) “Yeah, I uhm – I’m gonna need you guys to get rid of Marijuana in Australia.”
      Two Aussie Cops: (*Sit & Look Confused*)
      US/World ‘Fun-Police’ Agent: “Marijuana, you know “Evil Reefers it’s part of all that hippie-crap…”

      Aussie Cop 1: “Oh, you mean that ‘Wacky Tabacky’ stuff – what’s it called here Jim?
      Jim=Aussie Cop 2: “Uhmm, Cannabis – I think? Yeah, what’s wrong with it? – I know those Surfers sure do seem to enjoy it.”

      Aussie Cop 1: “Because this Guy from America is saying we gotta stop people from smoking it = because it’s evil, and – what was the other reason?”
      US/World ‘Fun-Police’ Agent: “Because Pres. Nixon Says So.”
      Aussie Cop 1: “Yeah, apparently because Prez. Nixon and” (*looks at US/WFP Guy*) “wait didn’t you also say before, the U.N.?” (US/WFP Guy: *nods*) – “Right, because Prez. Nixon & the U.N. says so…”

      Jim(=Aussie Cop 2): “Well, that would give us an excuse to go roust those surfers from that one public beach my wife likes… (Looks at Aussie Cop 1 – *they exchange a knowing look*)”

      (Aussie Cops together): “Al-rightly then, you got it! But, one thing… You see we’re gonna need a bit of help with the funding, that’ll mean a lot of extra man-hours. We can probably do it, but it’s gonna cost money – It’s not gonna be our money – *with a wry smile* – “Well, it won’t be ‘ours’ to start with…”

      US/WFP: “I’m pretty sure I can arrange that… So – we’ll get it worked out – then, YES?”
      (Aussie Cops: *glance around room then, chuckle together*)
      (All Three Assholes: *collectively nod in agreement, then chuckle in unison*)

      (Note: I know we didn’t “NEED” parody, or humor here. But, I thought some levity would be appropriate…)

      • Duncan20903 says:


        The “m word” is inherently American. It makes it much easier to do web searches because searches for the keyword marijuana bring up articles concerning US cannabis law reform almost exclusively.

        People might notice that I don’t use the m word unless context demands it. Back in the ’90s I fell for the almost religious meme that it’s a “dirty” word. The British press cured me of that because when they say the word cannabis it’s in a tone of voice that makes it sound like it’s just slightly less despicable than serial kiddie diddling. Anyway it’s mostly just habit combined with the fact that I think it more accurate. Keep in mind that I’m the guy that calls the Compassionate Use Act and similar laws medicinal cannabis patient protection laws because it’s a much more accurate description of those laws. For example, within the last week I was finally able to verify that “tetrahydrocannabinols” are included in schedule I in Colorado. A-20 and A-64 might keep people from being arrested by the State of Colorado still says that there’s no accepted medicinal use. So IMO it’s hardly accurate to call A-20 a medical marijuana law or to claim that Colorado recognizes cannabis as a medicine.

        It may be going away too. Sometime in the last year the Washington Post not only printed an article about cannabis law reform “above the fold” where they used the word cannabis. It would have been totally surreal if the idiots hadn’t decided to use a picture of a male plant.

        But the Ignorati used to try to make light of our use of the word prohibition. Nowadays even they call it that.

  2. claygooding says:

    Right out of the ONDCP playbook,,even if the ship is sinking claim it is running lower in the water to present less of a silhouette and please pay no attention to the lifeboats filling on the deck.

  3. Tim says:

    Following the whole Roger Rogerson thing?

    • Duncan20903 says:


      Other than the fact that you don’t hear about many 73 year old men alleged to commit murder, what in the world is interesting about this story? Does “ice” really trade for AUD$1 million (US$928,300) a kilo down in Bruceville? Sheesh, I thought that US authorities were into wild eyed exaggeration of alleged value of black market product. AUD$1000/gram wholesale? Yeah, right, tell us another fairy story daddy!.

      Oh well, you made me look.

      • Tim says:

        I listen to 2UE and 2GB (Sydney AM talk radio) when I have insomnia or if Noory gets boring. This was the big news story the other day. Never fisked their numbers though.

        (I should also finish watching Underbelly too.)

  4. Servetus says:

    Orwellian double-speak is the last refuge of the defeated.

    The front page of the Border Mail looks like a crime-sheet. Here’s another article from the same site where a local panel, one that includes border LEOs, has decided “We can’t win the drug war”.

    • Common Science says:

      Guess I had a Buckley’s chance of altering my dinkum observation to that article and ‘ad to cark it. It’s gone walkabout, no matter ‘ow polite I framed it. The Border Mail took exception to my ace observation to the writer’s bodgy intro:

      ‘DRUG offences in the North East have skyrocketed in recent months — and police couldn’t be happier.’

      What a curious juxtaposition. The drug war was intended to make these vices so rare and thus too expensive to consider doing. It’s been rising steadily in the opposite direction, under various forms of enforcement severity, for the past 40 years. Isn’t it time to hand over this jurisdiction back to health authorities and let police deal with more resolvable crimes?

  5. Tony Aroma says:

    It’s like hiring an exterminator to rid your house of pests. Every time they return, they kill more and more bugs in your house, then brag about how many bugs they are killing. Are they successful because they are killing more of the pests, or are they a failure because there are more pests to kill?

    • Duncan20903 says:


      So we’re referring to ourselves as vermin now? Please rethink that metaphor Tony. I know you didn’t mean what I heard, but it is what I heard.

  6. claygooding says:


    Hearing on defunding DEA MMJ raids starts at noon EDT.

  7. Pete Bulkner says:

    Un-Americans like you Pete are costing me my marriage. You don’t understand that it’s best that we stick to the truth that marijuana damages kid’s brains even if it is a lie. Kids need us to lie to them so we can protect them from the truth. If I lose my job, I lose my wife & security. You guys are all marriage destroying terrorists.

    • thelbert says:

      you need to get your mind right. cannabis can help with that. all that hate is affecting your thinking.

    • Duncan20903 says:


      Is it our fault that she has so much fun doing the donkey show? “Oh my! …and they even pay me $20 a week! Of course she did marry a jack ass so it shouldn’t be a total shock.

    • Nick says:

      Great parody of a jackass, to keep with the theme of the post and all. I salute you.

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