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Man Proposes Radical Theory for Face-eating Incident

The Internet was abuzz today with talk about a radical notion put forward by machinist George Taylor about the man who ate a face.

“Maybe he was, well, insane,” offered Mr. Taylor, who works for a living making things and doesn’t even have a blog.

“That’s just crazy talk,” said Noura Ibrahim, science blogger and cadaver enthusiast.

George responded, “Well, I don’t know, but it seems to me that sometimes people are just wired wrong — completely nuts, and it isn’t bath salts or Twinkies or anything specific that makes them do something crazy, but just the fact that they’re… crazy.”

This led to heated calls from media leaders for Mr. Taylor to stop this unsupported speculation and leave it to those who do unsupported speculation for a living.

“The notion of people doing things because they’re crazy, or, for that matter, because it’s who they are or what they want to do, is absolutely abhorrent,” said celebrity media spokesperson Grandy Nance. “If we don’t have “triggers” — things to demonize for every bad event that happens — then what do we talk about? It could mean the end of news reporting as we know it!”

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37 comments to Man Proposes Radical Theory for Face-eating Incident

  • Tony Aroma

    Now that’s just crazy talk!

  • Thanks Pete! Garry Trudeau couldn’t have said it better… and Zonker would fit right in to this one.

  • claygooding

    butters should have waited till this one to off himself.

    • dork

      butters is dead?

      • claygooding

        He said he was going to,,yesterday,,did he lie to us,,,again?

        • darkcycle

          Well. R.I.P. Bigrigbutters. I’ll think of you whenever I’m in a sleazy rest stop bathroom somewhere in the middle of bumfuck, nowhere (I find I’m stuck somewhere in bumfuck quite a lot, since I ride vintage bikes). When I go into a stall and read “Good Blowjobs, if yu luv man mouth be here430 tuesdys” I’ll know you’re up (or down) there somewhere thinking of me. HEY! A moment of SILENCE might be appropriate…or not, …whatever.

  • Francis

    The “bath salts” hysteria that surrounded this incident is partly the result of media sensationalism and drug warrior opportunism, but it’s also explained by human psychology. This was a horrific and disturbing event. The natural human tendency is to seek an explanation when terrible things happen. “He just went crazy,” while possibly the truth, is not a satisfying explanation for most people because it doesn’t give them the illusion of control. What’s to stop THEM (or their family, friends, or neighbors) from “just going crazy”? No, it’s infinitely preferable to have an external agent like “bath salts” to blame because that provides a “solution.” Then all they need to do to be safe is not take bath salts (and, of course, impose a government ban).

  • claygooding

    Vermont man charged with fatally shooting his dog

    http://tinyurl.com/7v2ezz7

    “”BENNINGTON, Vt.—A 47-year-old Vermont man is facing charges for allegedly shooting and killing his dog.

    Bennington police say they were called about 3 a.m. Friday to a mobile home park, where they found a dead pit bull still chained to its doghouse.””‘snipped’

    If he had sprinkled a little marijuana around the dog the SWAT team would have hired him.

    • Francis

      Damn, I bet the cops were pissed. I wonder if he’ll get cited for the “unauthorized practice of law enforcement.”

      • hmmm… dog chained to doghouse… seems maybe the dog should have shot the man (or chewed his face off) (to fit the theme of Pete’s post)

  • claygooding

    16 Maps Of Drug Flow Into The United States

    Read more: http://tinyurl.com/87ps7k2

    “”The U.N.’s World Drug Report 2012 showed us how the U.S. has high demand for marijuana, cocaine and painkillers. Ironically, the more America spends on the drug war, the cheaper drugs become.””

    My comment:

    As you study each map,,imagine billions of dollars being bundled and shipped back on those same routes,,,hard to imagine isn’t it,,,,,now listen as our President and Attorney General keep saying all laws must be enforced,,,that is why you see all those banks and financiers facing charges of money laundering,,,quick,,,do a search for money laundering crimes,,,,good luck.

    • Peter

      just love the way prohibs are embracing graphic designers to “explain” their bs. looks so scientific and is all comletely speculative and meaning less. still it convinces the rubes. ooh look there’s a big arrow from mexico i always knew it!

  • ezrydn

    News Reporting ended long before this article appeared.

  • Dante

    George Taylor for President!

    (I must be … crazy)

  • Duncan20903

    .
    .

    From the “good riddance to bad rubbish” category:

    ” Medical researcher Nahas was an anti-marijuana crusader”

    • Peter

      The perfect epitaph:
      “The New England Journal of Medicine once described [Nahas’] work as “psychopharmacological McCarthyism that compels him to use half-truths, innuendo and unverifiable assertions.”

  • Duncan20903

    .
    .

    Massachusetts medicinal cannabis patient protection law has been certified for the 2012 ballot.

  • this from MAPster Doug Snead (he of Drug War Propaganda) on the MAPtalk list:

    The Drug News “Bot” App, for Android Mobiles

    For a decade, the drug news bot has continually spidered the web for the latest breaking drug-policy related news. Now, the 1,000 drug -related articles the bot analyzes each day can be at your fingertips, fast with the Bot android app.

    Drug Policy News Feeds

    The Bot app knows all about the drug news bot’s many topics, tags, and related search terms (the news bot’s “concepts”). Choose from over 450 illegal drug and drug-policy topics, and have Bot bring the news to you. You can choose news feeds from narrow topics of interest (cannabis, 2ci, opioid, …) or from broad categories of interest (drugwar propaganda, drug_czar, narcotic, prohibitionist, etc.) Select concepts using the Bot app’s built-in concept (topic tree) browser, or from an index. Or, if you like, add your own news feeds, from (RSS) sources you choose.

    If you want, the Bot app will update newsfeeds you desire automatically. The app can (optionally) notify you when something new has arrived on a feed.

    Play Bot Podcasts

    The newsbot site produces many drug-policy related podcasts, every day. The Bot app makes listening to Bot’s podcasts easy.

    Analyze Drug War Rhetoric

    The Bot app makes it easy to spot drug warrior rhetoric and propaganda. Using the app’s text analysis feature, paste (or enter) in some questionable drug-war text, and Bot will analyze the text for you.

    Augment Your Drug-Policy Reality

    Using the Bot app’s “Analyze Camera” feature, you can even point your android camera at some text, and Bot will analyze text it sees, and tell you the results.

    the Bot app – available at google play!

    http://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.drugnewsbot

    screenshots:

    http://drugnewsbot.org/apps/screenshots/

    For more information, write:

    botapp@drugsense.org

    • darkcycle

      Noshit. Wow. That has some capabilities. Now if only I had the capability to use it…

      • no doubt… that’s why dog made young people. I only had to dial 5 numbers to make a call when I was a kid. Is there an app for that?

  • This guys “radical” theory is the sanest comment out of all of this that I have heard. What a breath of fresh air.

  • Chris Rock already made this argument, more humorously than you or I ever could. “Everybody wants to know, ‘what kind of music they was listening to, what kind of games they been playing, what kind of movies they was watching.’ Whatever happened to crazy?”

    http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=78927627429

  • Joe

    What’s to stop THEM (or their family, friends, or neighbors) from “just going crazy”?

  • Matthew Meyer

    OT: Just like the cigarette companies are looking to other markets, looks like the prohibs are trying to export their madness, too.

    Here’s a Nigerian example: http://tinyurl.com/74xyx6c

    • Peter

      “Also, the reports stated that people often mix marijuana with tobacco. There is strong evidence that smoking tobacco causes lung cancer and chronic lung disease. This makes it difficult to isolate whether health problems are specifically caused by marijuana or tobacco.”

      So in other words, the report is completely worthless as an assessment of cannabis as a cause of lung cancer.

  • claygooding

    What worries me is that everyone says their youth was the good ol days,,if now is the good ol days for kids growing up,,,how much worse is it going to get until everyone feels that today is better than yesterday?

  • Duncan20903

    Why the heck does everyone seem to believe that smoking is the only delivery method available?

  • darkcycle

    Oh, NOOOOOO! It’s The Daily Mail, The Daily Maail!!!
    http://tinyurl.com/dyxugod

    • Duncan20903

      Sometimes I really hate saying I told you so.

      • Duncan20903

        .
        .

        On the other hand it’s not all bad news. Evidently there is a cohort of hysterical rhetoricians that refuse to give up on the bath salts angle. No evidence of it? So what? These people produce better hysterical rhetoric in the absence of factual evidence. Never let the facts get in the way, no doubt, but it’s still easier when you don’t have to sidestep the little buggers.

  • FlyingTooLow

    I have smoked pot for over 40 years and have never been inclined to attack anyone.

    The worst experience I had with marijuana was spending 5 years in Federal Prison for a pot offense.

    While there, I watched armed bank robbers come and go in as little as 20 months.

    When I went to the parole board after more than 3 years ‘behind the wall,’ I pointed this out to the panel members. Their response: “You must understand that yours was a very serious offense.”

    I laughed about that for another 2 years (as I still sat in prison)…then wrote my book:
    Shoulda Robbed a Bank.

    I hope you check it out.

    Here is one review:

    (This review is taken from Amazon.com re:
    Shoulda Robbed a Bank)

    “If David Sedaris had written ‘Catcher in the Rye’..this would be it.”

    “I have never smoked pot in my life…nor do I ever care to.
    I read about this book in numerous Huffington Post comments. Thought I would read it because I know nothing about marijuana or the people involved with it. I am ecstatic that I did. Funny, Funny, Funny!!!
    The chapters are like short stories. Stories about unloading boats with helicopters, close encounters with law enforcement, traveling through the jungles of South America. The chapter about the author’s first time smoking marijuana made me feel like I was with him…coughing.
    All of the characters were just a group of loveable, nice guys and girls. Not what I had been raised to believe…hysterical maniacs high on pot bent on death and mayhem. They were nothing like that.
    If you have ever read any of David Sedaris’ books, and like them…you will love Shoulda Robbed a Bank.
    And the crazy things happening reminded me of Holden Caufield in ‘Catcher in the Rye’ and the way he staggered through life.
    The way the words are put together are like nothing I have ever heard. I am sure I will use many of the sayings found in this book just to dazzle my friends. A terrific read. I love this book.”

  • Ron Combs

    If this guy coulda went into the same store and bought weed he would have probably just ate Doritos