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The Onion comes through again

It gets harder and harder for the Onion to come up with stories that aren’t already happening somewhere in this strange world, so have a little fun with this one: Mexico Killed In Drug Deal

MEXICO CITY—In the latest incident of drug-related violence to hit the country, all 111 million citizens of Mexico were killed Monday during a shoot-out between rival drug cartels.

According to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration, the violence was sparked by a botched drug deal involving an estimated 20 kilograms of marijuana […]

They have some fun with the DEA and Director Michele Leonhart:

“A four-gram bag of cocaine was also recovered by agents,” Leonhart added.

Leonhart said the DEA has sealed off the 761,606-square-mile crime scene, which is littered with bullet-riddled bodies and assault rifles, and splattered with blood. […]

“We are doing our best at the moment to locate any Mexican police or military officials who are still alive so that we may work hand-in-hand with them to combat the growing problem of drug violence in Mexico,” Leonhart told reporters. “Episodes like this are simply unacceptable and will not be tolerated by the United States government.”

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13 comments to The Onion comes through again

  • Ha ha ha ha!!! Gotta love that ONION. i love the ““A four-gram bag of cocaine was also recovered by agents,” Leonhart added.

    this should be mailed to everyone in the world. especially Dianne Feinstein… who, as Pete so glibly put it, “vows to fund mexican drug cartels.” When? When will the drum-beating drug warriors get it?? — kat woods

  • 222

    “A four-gram bag of cocaine was also recovered by agents,” Leonhart added.

    Leonhart said the DEA has sealed off the 761,606-square-mile crime scene, which is littered with bullet-riddled bodies and assault rifles, and splattered with blood. […]

    “We are doing our best at the moment to locate any Mexican police or military officials who are still alive so that we may work hand-in-hand with them to combat the growing problem of drug violence in Mexico,” Leonhart told reporters. “Episodes like this are simply unacceptable and will not be tolerated by the United States government.”

  • darkcycle

    Onion. Truth IS stranger than satire, the U.S. reaction in the story is entirely plausable. If that were to actually happen, I would expect exactly that response.

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Army Mom, Army Mom. Army Mom said: #tcot #tlot #teapart “A four-gram bag of cocaine was also recovered by agents,” Leonhart added.: … who are still… http://bit.ly/amKmQ7 […]

  • wait ’til the drug cartels get some nukes

  • malcolmkyle

    White House aides didn’t choose any of those questions to present to the president on the nearby screens, but Obama did acknowledge that the topic was a popular one. He said online voters wanted to know “whether the killing of the entire population of Mexico might be of any concern to Americans,” and joked, “I don’t know what this says about the online audience.”

  • claygooding

    The thing is that the cartels don’t want a war with the US
    or even any of the violence in Mexico to spill over the border. I am not saying they don’t commit violence in the US,against people that don’t pay their tab but the gunfights between gangs has not occurred so far because all the cartels are fighting over is territory(growing and production areas) and smuggling routes.
    It is one thing to hide from a helicopter and another to be running from an Abrahms.

  • ezrydn

    OT-I’m sorry. Taylor has jumped Howard for his Turlock appearance. Comments are open – http://bit.ly/dtc9nU

  • the recession is over

    That is almost as funny as the recession is over meme that is being puked up by corporate media. Cracked and Onion are great pages for laughter, laughter is good.

  • Tony Aroma

    I hope this means that the US is finally going to stop stalling and give Mexico all that Merida money we’ve been sitting on. The only way that money was going to have an effect on the drugs coming into our country is if everyone in Mexico were dead. I guess we were just waiting for the right time.

  • Common Science

    Personally Im getting a little weary to the black humour constantly warranted here. (This is from one that has almost every issue of National Lampoon)

    The point that The Onion is making is that these deaths caused by the WoD in Mexico don’t mean a thing to the status quo these days.

    When Al Capone had his men murder half a dozen rival gang members in a garage in Chicago (the ‘legendary’ St. Valentine’s Day massacre), that spelt the end of the 1st prohibition. The public was totally aghast at the lengths these thugs in charge of illegal alcohol would go through to control distribution.

    Fast-forward to today: Half a dozen people are killed every day, before noon…for the past three years in Mexico, in the enforcement of distribution rights. Clearly some organizations are pleased, at present day public apathy, to these horrors.

  • Maria

    SQ – You have a point. And there is a shadow area tucked between apathy to horrors and laughing at the darkness. Personally I wouldn’t be able to get through the day without humor, even the dark kind. But don’t mistake it for apathy. And yes, there is so much apathy out there. But I think it’s also weariness. A numbing of the senses that has occurred to many societies in various times of horrors great and small. But not just weariness, I think there’s a genuine confusion. A lack of knowing what’s “real” what’s the truth. Everything is everywhere at once. And people stop engaging, or they engage along the lines of most comfort? I’m rambling here. pPardon me

    Of course, there’s probably a time and a place for humor and jokes. But some days that’s all there is left. It’s all one can cling to after uncovering yet another layer of what’s going on. The humor is the only glimmer of hope that underneath the insanity, the absurdity, the constant refrain of lies, make believe, power grabs and massacres there is some sanity left somewhere. And that sanity can trickle through the madness, that in the end we’ll see light. Hopefully it won’t be an oncoming train. That would suck.