Congress has tunnels in their brains

So, our morons Congress have come up with a new law! Because there weren’t enough already.

You know how traffickers have been using tunnels (along with submarines, aircraft, corrupt TSA employees and just about any other device) to smuggle drugs into the country?

Well, Congress decided that the problem has been not that drug smuggling is obscenely profitable, but rather that people just don’t know you’re not supposed to dig tunnels under the border and smuggle drugs and stuff. So they’re writing a law to make that illegal.

Border Tunnel Prevention Act of 2012

Any person convicted of using a tunnel or subterranean passage to smuggle aliens, weapons, drugs, terrorists, or illegal goods is subject to an enhanced sentence for the underlying offense. Additional sentence enhancements would further deter tunnel activities and increase prosecutorial options.

This makes me wonder what it is that the authors of the bill are really trying to accomplish. It’s clearly not to reduce the smuggling of drugs, aliens, or other things, because the enhanced sentences are not for those activities. Smugglers can take another route with no additional penalty. In fact, Congress appears to be encouraging exactly that with this bill.

No, the authors seem to be specifically concerned about tunnels. Are they afraid that Mexico will tear off from the U.S. like a perforated ticket stub if we get too many tunnels?

Is it an extreme case of tunnel-phobia? Where even hearing about these tunnels gives them the willies?

Do they really think that yet another law will actually deter people from digging tunnels? Would a law have deterred Hogan, Newkirk, Kinch, Carter, or LeBeau from using tunnels?

If you looked into the ear of one of these Congressional representatives, could you see light at the other end?

The Border Tunnel Prevention Act of 2012 has been authored by Sivestre Reyes (not to be confused with the much more intelligent Silvester the Cat). Dianne Feinstein is the sponsor of the Senate version.

Send some love the way of Reyes’ opponent Beto O’Rourke, who would be far superior.

[Thanks, Mark]
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43 Responses to Congress has tunnels in their brains

  1. John says:

    If this law doesn’t work, they can just make breaking laws illegal.

    • darkcycle says:

      Good one.

    • Duncan20903 says:

      Did you know there’s at least one State (Montana) in which it’s illegal to own property subject to forfeiture? That’s getting pretty close to making it a crime to break the law.

      Stevensville marijuana growers facing felony charges
      By LAURA LUNDQUIST – Ravalli Republic
      December 26, 2011

      “Thomas Fenton Patterson, Kelly Robin Goosey, Tony Stuart Smith and Edward Leonard Smartt are all charged with drug production, distribution, possession with intent to distribute, and possession of property subject to forfeiture based upon evidence seized in a July 20 raid conducted by Ravalli County [jackbooted thugs].

  2. Duncan20903 says:


    Well Pete, this time you’re all wet. Your entire argument is predicated on the presumption that these people in fact have brains in the first place. Really old man, you need to think these things all the way through.

    What a nice couple of days, eh? Colorado “per se” law fails (again), an enemy of freedom is dispatched into ignominy in a landslide by the voters of Oregon, the New Hampshire House passed a medicinal cannabis patient protection bill even though the State’s top asshole has said he’ll veto, the Rhode Island Legislature passed yet another bill authorizing State authorized medicinal cannabis vendors, and we’ve all fallen in love with the phrase “prohibitionist parasite.” Criminy, that would be a heckuva good month.

  3. Servetus says:

    It probably didn’t occur to the lawmakers that they could eliminate most border tunnels just by ending prohibition.

  4. Utopia is Banished Forever says:

    Tunnels will be gone now just like poverty, drugs, terraists and racism. (Spelled wrong so no watchlists or fusion centers get excited.)

    • darkcycle says:

      Their algorithm is more sophisticated that that Utopia, they got you with the inclusion of the words “Drugs” and “tunnels”. They probably look for intentional misspelling, too.

    • BaggedAndBoiled says:

      Terrorism, bombs, drugs, timing devices, detonators and federal buildings – There; fixed!

  5. Peter says:

    “Are they afraid that Mexico will tear off from the U.S. like a perforated ticket stub if we get too many tunnels?” Hilarious.
    Of course, uber drug warrior Feinstein would be behind this.

  6. scott morgan says:

    or better yet set up a giant electric fence,with sniper a 5 mile wide moat,and another 3 acre wide county coast to coast landmine field,plus hidden navy seals,special ops with top notch missle launchers.and a law where any type of brown person seen with in 500 miles of the southern boarder is subject to the death penlty.that will help put an end to the drug trade. and for added messures nuke the living fuck out of CA for causing this whole mess in the first place. you know the drug cartels and terriost are the ones who run the dispenseries correcto.medicinal marijuana is a scam on a gobal scale. CA voters never approved for medicinal marijuana.they got attacked by an illegal voting fruad scam. most real califorinans hate marijuana and hate how the weedsters currupeted their state. only 3 percent of CA voters even voted for legalized medicinal marijuana.the rest said no.but got fucked by a rigged system caused by the legalizion lobbyist.who are funded by cartels and terrorist.its no fucking secert.. listen heres a rap song bitches……. yeh yeh yeh ima dope feind.i cut out my own sell it in the underground words are totally obsense.becouse i smoke marijuana,i lost my im a addict on a mission. im breaking into houses to steal .but im to high so ill just use ur toilet and be pissin init. commit a parmilitary raid on your im the termanatior lifting weights taking a break to smoke a leaf. im a total deadbeat.

  7. Francis says:

    “Any person convicted of using a tunnel or subterranean passage to smuggle aliens, weapons, drugs, terrorists, or illegal goods is subject to an enhanced sentence for the underlying offense.”

    I see what they did there.

  8. MaiineGeezer says:

    “Suppose you are an idiot. And suppose you are a member of Congress. But I repeat myself….”
    — Mark Twain

    • BaggedAndBoiled says:

      “Suppose you are a corrupt, scum-sucking, prohibitionist parasite. And suppose you are a member of Congress. But I repeat myself….”
      – What Mark Twain would have said.

  9. Yes says:

    Let the tunnel vision jokes begin!

    Speaking of which, I bet the Foreigner song, Double Vision could be adapted. Been from one extreme to another, kind of like Obama; alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, cocaine (and that’s just the stuff we know about) to self-righteous overseer of drug-lord-lauded lashing out against the above ground cannabis industry. Also reminds me of the sickos like Paul Chabot and the person above, pretending to be Scott Morgan, those who went to excess in one extreme (partying, trying to be free, and have fun) and now go even further to excess in the other extreme (curtailing freedoms, locking people up, and etc…).

    That Double Vision, like Sen. Craig, Pastor Haggard, and Commissioner Willie Gandara Jr. who all think if they can just act like they hate something enough no one will suspect they are head over heels for it.

  10. Brock Landers says:

    D.Cycle the reply button is gone from my browser for some reason. I actually have the list of the words that are thoughtcrime. It would probably take up 4-5 pages to print it out. Certainly too big to paste in the comments.

  11. Mr Ikesheeny says:

    I need Mint Rawmoney like a lake trout needs a Canondale you phoney asshat ad on the right corner.

  12. Manglur Armov says:

    Comrade the administrator has no control over the ads.

  13. big rig butters says:

    marijuana’s satanic, devil’s harvest set the 1930’s into a panic. this shits reefer madness. smoke another spliff,you be getting jiggy real quick.whip out my 4 inch dick.insert it in mary janes babike2 ei2biodx thats fucking right i said it. nigga

  14. Sad commentary on the state of the gene pool in Federal politics. It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to see the illogic in this logic. I see lots more grey matter here than in our congress. The tunnels must have made their way through the frontal lobes. Might be a black hole in the center someplace. That would account for the lack of light escaping from the interior.

  15. OhutumValik says:

    That’s probably not enough. The Congress needs to criminalize spade and shovel ownership. Also, the process of hole-digging has to be more strictly regulated. A good citizen who has nothing to hide does not need to dig holes. And we need to watch out for those who are too quick to come up with excuses for displacing earth; better sic the FDA and the Homeland Security on them right away.

    • Duncan20903 says:


      It’s not going to happen. Congress won’t make illegal and/or restrict/regulate that which they’re into. Take prepaid cell phones for example. How would they call their mistresses safely and anonymously without the existence of “burners”? Go back to using pay phones? Do pay phones still exist? Now just think about the huge hole that Congress has gotten the Country into, and the fact that they just keep digging. It’s obvious that they very much enjoy unrestricted hole digging, so there you go.

    • claygooding says:

      Digging a hole and throwing money in it is way too popular with congress to ever make digging illegal.

  16. big rig butters says:

    damn right im the illist like a micro dill pickel.angry throw fecal matter.americas a dieing disaster. who holds the master set the citizins free from this currupted tryanty. its madding. blasphomy on liberity. set us free set us free. end our fucking misery. drop prohbitions body off the tree .watch its feet dangle as its last gasp is strangled..then the truth will untangle. entertwine like wine. every strains a pleasent piece of fucking ass

  17. Francis says:

    OT: Poll: 74 Percent of Americans, Including 67 Percent of Republicans, Want Obama to End Medical Marijuana Crackdown

    I find this both encouraging and depressing as hell. On the one hand, it’s phenomenal that 3 out of 4 Americans (including a huge majority of Republicans) want to stop the crackdowns. On the other hand, it’s depressing as hell that it doesn’t seem to matter. But it’s a reminder that support in the abstract won’t get us very far if there are no consequences for politicians who continue to ignore the will of the people. Nobama. No Romney. Time to send a message.

  18. Duncan20903 says:


    I would not be just a nothin’
    my head all full of stuffin’
    My heart all full of pain.
    I would dance and be merry,
    life would be a ding-a-derry,
    If I only had a brain

    I nominate the Wicked Witch of the West to succeed Gil at the ONDCP, and we can put her army of flying monkeys to work at the DEA. We’ll have the cartels shut down lickety split and we’ll save a bunch of money because the monkeys will gladly work for peanut M&Ms. We’ll also be able to at least re-legalize industrial hemp because monkeys are much smarter than DEA agents and can be trained to differentiate between a crop intended for enjoyment and one intended to promote industry. Presuming that the monkeys can prove that they’re in the country legally of course. Gosh, we’d be up to our eyeballs in illegal Mexicans if they could fly.

    • claygooding says:

      We already have two Spanish speaking channels in every major city and a half dozen radio stations on your radio dial anywhere you go,,when do we get too “neck” deep?

      • Duncan20903 says:


        Wow, you have eyeballs in your neck? Gosh, you must look very weird. Front? Side? Back? All of the above? 🙂 But seriously, what makes you think they’re all unregistered guests?

    • Matthew Meyer says:

      “I’ll get you my pretty…and your little doj too!”

  19. steves says:

    I just had a thought – what if the government decided to tear down the border wall that they built a few years ago, I mean the wall they were going to build, I mean the wall the that got a little bit built, oh whatever…no wall would equal no need for tunnels, there you go!

  20. ezrydn says:

    I’ve been living down South now for the last 11 years. It’s looking more sane on this side than the other. It’s real interesting looking back from “outside the shell.” You get a whole different, realistic perspective. How long has Congress been making laws to stop this crap? And together, how much good have they done? The loons in Congress have proven, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that they are incapable of learning, no matter how many heads you tie together.

    Those here aren’t much better. They just don’t try so hard to hide it.

  21. Dan Riffle says:

    FYI, MPP’s PAC has given several thousand dollars worth of love to Beto’s campaign. He would not only be superior, he would be the best representative in Congress on the issue. The guy wrote a book on why marijuana should be legal.

  22. Maria says:

    Just pile on the fines and jail terms.

    I guess the prohibs are right. No one goes to jail for smoking cannabis anymore. They go to jail for everything else.

  23. Matthew Meyer says:

    How long will people put up with the notion that smoking cannabis isn’t a big enough deal to send people to prison, but people who grow and / or sell it are a threat to society? How is it that they’re more dangerous than the product they offer?

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