Your horoscope

Virgo: August 23 – September 22
Despite your claims of historical importance and the need to remember America’s fallen heroes, the authorities continue to refuse to grant you the permits required by your avid group of drug-war re-enactors.

From The Onion
Ah, how I look forward to the day when we have drug war re-enactments. Bringing out those museum-piece battering rams, “patting down” people on the street, and pretending to search passing cars…